On Friday night my body had a mind of it's own. It gave up in me from right under my nose. And as I ran offstage during that second show, I found my self sobbing and plummeting to the floor where I became incapable of summing up the energy to stand. All I could think was "I need to sleep". But the thing is, I've been sleeping a lot lately. And so there I lay, crying and limp as the overwhelming cloud of exhaustion just swallowed me whole and made me it's prisonner. I became afraid.
What do you do in the face of fear? Life has it's interesting ways of laying on our paths the exact thing that we consciously or unconsciously are most afraid of in the purpose of giving us the opportunity to overcome it. So in this context I rest here in my bed, where I have been planted for the last 36 hours distracting myself from the scary scenarios plotted by my imagination. Am i sick? What's wrong with me? Where is the medical evidence to my collapse episode? Why does the doctor's examination determine no anomalies when I clearly am exhausted and light headed?
Would it be fair to say that maybe it is my body manifesting the desires that i've been denying since I moved to Las Vegas? That maybe my ignoring how unhappy it makes me to be away from the love of my life is finally taking a toll on me. My heart is in Los Angeles, my dreams are in Hollywood. My life is there, and my job is here. But why is my body forcing me to press on the breaks by making me collapse and sentencing me to exhaustion? Why is it slowing me down when what I want is exactly what I have at work? I'm a dancer, I don't want a break. I don't get a break. I thirst for he challenge and yearn for the rewarding pain that comes with accomplishment. And I love that I get to learn so much at work. So it's time for me to do a little meditating. Realign the planets in my universe because there's nothing that's going to slow me down. I'm unstoppable.
What do you do in the face of fear? Life has it's interesting ways of laying on our paths the exact thing that we consciously or unconsciously are most afraid of in the purpose of giving us the opportunity to overcome it. So in this context I rest here in my bed, where I have been planted for the last 36 hours distracting myself from the scary scenarios plotted by my imagination. Am i sick? What's wrong with me? Where is the medical evidence to my collapse episode? Why does the doctor's examination determine no anomalies when I clearly am exhausted and light headed?
Would it be fair to say that maybe it is my body manifesting the desires that i've been denying since I moved to Las Vegas? That maybe my ignoring how unhappy it makes me to be away from the love of my life is finally taking a toll on me. My heart is in Los Angeles, my dreams are in Hollywood. My life is there, and my job is here. But why is my body forcing me to press on the breaks by making me collapse and sentencing me to exhaustion? Why is it slowing me down when what I want is exactly what I have at work? I'm a dancer, I don't want a break. I don't get a break. I thirst for he challenge and yearn for the rewarding pain that comes with accomplishment. And I love that I get to learn so much at work. So it's time for me to do a little meditating. Realign the planets in my universe because there's nothing that's going to slow me down. I'm unstoppable.
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